Our second interview

So a couple days ago the social worker from ICBF (the Colombian version of children’s services) came to us for the second interview. First of all according to our Colombian attorney this rarely happens but I think: 1. they like us or lil Treisy or both and 2. they took pity on us driving 2 hours to her hometown the first time in a rented van. We had to pay for our whole family, a driver, our attorney and Treisy’s advocate to get there. If was no huge to deal to us but they figured sending someone our way was easier and less expensive for everyone. So even before the interview we felt like we had favor.

So the caseworker is scheduled to arrive at noon and share lunch with us. Noon and came and went. At 1:00 we decided to eat without her and just hope she was lost and still on her way. Turns out she was delayed at her job for some reason and just got a lot start. We were warned about Colombia time. Punctuality is not a huge deal here. When she showed up she ate and asked Treisy a couple of questions.

“Did you like visiting your hometown?”
“No!”
“No? Why not?”
“Becasue I cried a lot there.”
“Why did you cry?”
“Because that is where Sister (her caregiver, the nun) abandoned me.”

That’s when the caseworker, the attorney and the advocate all told her that was not true and that Sister would never do that. Sister was just giving her to her new family.

“Do you like your family?”
“Yes.”
Do you like your mom?”
“Yes”
Do you like your dad?”
“Yes”

Check. Check. Check. You could almost see the caseworker just checking the basics off her list… not like she didn’t care but simply to get through the formality of those questions. Turns out she was just getting through getting through them as I’ll explain later.

She turned then to Izaac. “How do you like your new sister?”
“Oh, I love her. She’s great!” (note: we’ll see if he’s saying that in 5 years =) He probably will be with some qualifications…)
“What kinds of things do you do with her?”
“I read to her and play with her.”

Next, big sister.
“Do you like your new sister?”
“Yes, I like her a lot!”
“What kinds of things do you do with her?”
“Everything really. I read to her, help her get dressed, play outside with her, push her on the swing, and dance with her.”

And that concluded the interview. The formal part took about 2 minutes. Turns out the caseworker had already filed the paperwork that morning knowing everything was fine. She explained: I’ve been doing this a long time and you just know… you just know.”

She then proceeded to give us some advice. “Don’t be too lenient on her. I had to remove a child from fostercare last week because the parents gave the child whatever she wanted and would never say no or provide boundaries.” We assured her we were not that kind of parents. I think Tracy said (with hand motions included since we don’t know Spanish well): “We are firm but kind.”

Reminded me of St. Paul’s ancient parenting advice: “Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.” So it’s not just “NO!” all the time. And it’s not just “Yeah, sure” all the time. There is personal, loving contact that discerns when to say “no” without exasperating them and when to take them by the hand and show them the way not just let them do whatever they want.

By the way > Happy Father’s day to all the fathers out there.
… and Happy first Father’s day to Treisy! I am so honored to be your father for this momentous occasion. You now have a Papi (on earth as it is in heaven) and you always will…

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